Monday, January 16, 2012

Golden Globes 2012: Fashion Recap

I love award shows. I don't really care about who wins what awards so much as I love to watch the red carpet runway that precedes each event. There are always breathtaking moments of glorious triumph, and cringe-worthy moments where you wonder "What the hell was she thinking," and, "Did she actually pay a stylist to put her in that!?"  The Golden Globes is always one of my favorite shows and this year turned out lots of good and bad moments:


 1)  Madonna in Reem Acra: There is no one on the planet who is a greater Madonna fan than me. I spent my 18th birthday at the Bronco Bowl singing "Dress Me Up" along with Madonna on her "Like A Virgin" Tour and I've been an avid fan ever since. But, Madge, what the hell were you thinking with that one glove on your left hand? And this dress totally smashed your boobies. You don't smash down your best asset - you lift them up, squeeze them together and show them off!

2) Jessica Biel: I couldn't find the name of the designer she was wearing. And maybe it's because it came from some old vintage store in West Hollywood. It looks like it was made from an old lace tablecloth and there was a droop in the front that gave her a third boob. Luckily for Jessica, everyone was so busy looking for that engagement ring she supposedly just received from beau Justin Timberlake, that hopefully they weren't paying attention to this awful dowdy dress. PS: she wasn't wearing the ring.

3) Meryl Streep: While she seems like she would be the coolest person on the planet to hang out with, fashion has never been Streep's strong suit. Again, I couldn't find a designer to attach to this horrific cowgirl inspired gown. Maybe her stylist found it at a resale shop in Dallas left over from an old Cattle Barron's Ball. It needs to mosey on over to the barn for a good burning...

4) Kelly Osbourne in Zac Posen:  I started my evening watching red carpet coverage on E! and when I first saw this dress on Kelly I thought it was amazing. The peacock blue color is stunning and it fits her like a glove. Then... I saw the bottom. The mermaid cut makes it look like she is an octopus and eight arms are about to explode out from underneath that gown. Blech.  If it had been straight all the way down, she would have made my "Best" list.

The Good.

1) Salma Hayek in Gucci: When you are married to the man who owns Gucci, Yves St. Laurent and Bottega Veneta, there is no excuse for ever looking bad a day in your life. And Salma did her hubby proud tonight! From her ombre hair to the color choice of the beaded corset, Salma is flawless.

2) Paula Patton in Monique Lhuillier: I saw several gowns in this canary yellow color, but Patton rose about the rest in this beautiful strapless number. Perhaps it was her olive skin that gave her the advantage over the paler white girls trying to pull off the same color.. Just sayin'. Work what you got!

3) Sophia Vergara in Vera Wang:  Was not loving the stick straight hair, but I did love this beautiful rich navy gown. Take note, Kelly Osbourne, this is how you wear a mermaid cut dress. I think Vergara would have to work hard to find something that looked bad on her. Her body is fantastic and her sense of humor makes her that much more appealing.

4) Kate Beckinsale in Cavalli: This gown is a wonderful example of how you don't have to wear the loudest color or have something plunging down to there to make a statement.  It's cut simply, draped beautifully, is a lovely muted neutral tone, not overloaded with heavy jewelry - and she looks like a Princess.

Hit or Miss?

These three looks I couldn't decide if I loved or hated... If nothing else, they made me think and ponder them, which is a win in and of itself in a competitive red carpet stampede of beauties.  What do you think?

1) Piper Perabo in Theyskens' Theory: At first glance I thought this gown washed her out. I didn't love the taupe color with her pale skin and blonde hair and all nude makeup. If she had worn a dark scarlet lip and had a POP of color on her face, it would have helped.  The gown (for the most part) was entirely see through which was kind of sexy, but also a bit trashy. And she kept messing with the skirt. Everytime she stood up or moved 3 inches on the red carpet she was flouncing the skirt out to make sure it was billowing properly. It felt very contrived and high-maintenance.

2) Sarah Michelle Geller in Monique Lhuillier: S.M. told E! news that her 2-year old daughter picked out the dress. That's not cute, it's stupid. At first glance I liked the bold print, but the more I looked at it, I disliked the tye-dye effect and it felt a little summery for a January event.

3) Angelina Jolie in Atelier Versace: Angie has such a bold personality and force-of-nature presence, that I feel like this dress makes her look hard. She needs something billowy and soft to make her more likeable. This severe cut and harsh slash of color makes her look like the Evil Queen in a Disney movie.

Leave your comments below. Do you agree or disagree with my choices? Did I leave out your favorite star or miss a disastrous look?